Tofu sucks. How can you eat it?

Let me start out by saying, I love animals! Especially cows that have been barbecued! That said, I know that eating a lot of meat is not necessarily healthy unless a person is seriously working it off like a sled dog. So I've been limiting the amount and frequency of meat intake. I've tried tofu several times now, preparing it as described in recipes I've found online and elsewhere. I've frozen and thawed, I've drained, I've marinated, I've seasoned, I've browned and I've stewed. This stuff comes out tasting like a piece of gooey drywall saturated in dirty dishwater every time. Hell, my free ranging chickens won't even eat it and they'll eat damn near anything. Who decided that this insipid, jejune substance that prompts a gag reflex by it's texture is a suitable meat substitute? I've tasted better school glue.